The lying bastard (oh and foodie pen pals)

We forget every year but, September is tough.

For those of us who battle with anxiety and depression, this change in light is not easy. It took me until the end of the month to figure out what my problem was. Not even “Suicide prevention week” could clue me in. Finally, I was reading another blogger who was going through a similar battle. She’s medicated (I’m not) and still having a hard time.

Some days are easy. Other days I feel like I’m walking around in a fog. There’s sometimes anxious yelling in my brain that I can’t quite explain. It usually helps to talk about it, but getting myself to talk about it, is next to impossible. I don’t feel that I need to be medicated (yet). I know that taking meds does not mean I’m weak. It means, that the chemicals and hormones in my body are out of wack and there is only so much I can do about that. I try to regulate it with diet and exercise. For the most part that is working.

It’s bad, it’s difficult, but it’s not as bad as it has been in the past. I mean I don’t day dream about running my car off the road. I don’t think I’ve ever been truly suicidal, but my depression (in the past) definitely had me wanting to be confined to a hospital bed.

Today I was walking to the parking garage, having been released from work an hour early. There was a lovely fall breeze blowing through my hair, peddlers yelling “GETCHER WORLD’S FINEST CHOCOLATE HOWYADOINTODAY?” and I was smiling.

To myself

Because I was noticeably happy

It’s been awhile since that has happened.

When I go through this, I’m no good alone. So I surround myself with people and when I’m finally alone, it’s like the walls of my brain close in. This was the first time in awhile I hadn’t felt that way. And I realized, September is over.

And there was much rejoicing!

The Lean Green Bean

And now for a really awkward transition because I forgot to do this yesterday!

Somehow, I lost the pictures I took from my foodie Pen Pal. This package came all the way from Alaska and packed with loving care by LaQuita Mc(I don’t know if she wants me to use her real name or not)

She sent me two kinds of Salmon Jerky which is both weird and wonderful.

Several honey sticks. I love honey sticks. These are all different flavors and before I add them to my tea I take a little nip straight from the stick.

I requested Lingenberry anything, since we don’t really get those products in the lower 48. She sent me jam and mustard. The jam is indescribable. No seriously, I can’t describe the taste but I LOVE it! I just realized I didn’t use the mustard yet.  I’ll have to get on that. I’m thinking some kind of sauce for pork. Yes it’s berry mustard and that is not weird, it’s amazing.

She also sent me some local carrots. According to her they have some of the sweetest produce because they get so much light. They really were some of the sweetest carrots I’ve ever tasted and took me back to preschool. Weird right? I went to a Montessori preschool where we learned how to cut carrots (remember that Jaclyn?) I still have some and I reserve them for dishes in which  I really want to taste the carrots. Typically carrots suck and are just used for filler.

Last but not least, she sent me a wonderfully funny book, “Where the Hell is Sourdough Alaska?”written by her brother-in-law (If I’m remembering right) about living on an Alaskan homestead. My friend from high school, Rachel, is currently living in Alaska so LaQuita thought I would enjoy reading about what she is going through. Isn’t that awesome!? It was a great package that I can now talk about since I think I’m out of my funk.

Thanks for reading and remember:

Be KIND, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.*

*So they’re likely carrying weapons. (Emphasis added by Jenny The Bloggess who also calls depression a lying bastard)


1 Comment (+add yours?)

  1. khorvath
    Oct 02, 2012 @ 19:28:26

    I LOVE that you have a food penpal. That is so cool!


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